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Life can actually be easy when we let it be!

And this concept of “let go and stop controlling everything” is something I talked about in my latest podcast episode, if you wanted to check that out you can listen to it below!

I love the podcast episode because there is no script. So I really get to connect with you guys on a deeper level, share stories I normally wouldn’t, and say whatever flows.

It’s way more personal than these blog posts where I keep things more informational. So if you want more stories and connection with me, make sure to check out the podcast!

Why life can be so hard

Despite what we may tell ourselves, life isn’t supposed to be hard. It really should be easy, when we allow it to be that way.

So why is it so hard?

You’re trying to control everything

This is a big reason why life can be hard, is the fact that you’re trying to control everything.

When you obsess over the outcomes and you try to plan everything perfectly, that is pretty exhausting!

I have a bad habit of this as well.

Planning out my day to a T. Replaying conversations in my head over and over again until I think they’ll come out just right.

When you think everything needs to be perfect, you’re making life harder than it needs to be.

But why do we do this?

For many, myself included, it can come from childhood trauma. (As many things do!)

If you didn’t have a lot of control over your life, or your parents were very unpredictable. Maybe they controlled how you thought, ate, acted, or what you wore.

You may have felt out of control with your life.

And sure, as a parent, there needs to be some sort of control over your child’s life. You need to keep them happy, healthy, and protected.

But some parents will take it to the extreme.

For example, my parents. They commented on the way I ate a lot. Down to the most minor things.

How much ketchup or salt I’d use, how much food I did (or didn’t) eat, and the times of day I would eat. You name it, I was called out for it.

And if you’re in a situation like that, you start to learn you can’t trust your own judgment, your own body and you’re not in control of things.

So now, as an adult you want to control everything, just because you can. Even if it’s to an unhealthy extent.

You want everything to be perfect

I personally am a recovering perfectionist. As I’m sure many of you are as well.

You may have thought things needed to be perfect because as a child, you were told you weren’t good enough.

You may have gotten punished for mistakes, or maybe your parents called out all of the mistakes you made or things you didn’t do perfectly, yet they ignored all the good you did,

Again, I can relate.

My grades in school were always picked apart and the B’s and C’s would get looked at and talked about, forgetting that the rest of the grades were A’s.

So when things like that happen, you now think you aren’t good enough and everything needs to be perfect.

All of this may be subconscious or a deep-rooted belief that you aren’t even aware of!

And all of this stems from a lack of trust in yourself and the Universe that things are going to work out as they were always meant to.

So what does this have to do with life being easy?

Well, a lot actually.

If you go through life like this where you feel the need to control every aspect of it, things are going to be a lot harder for you versus if you just let things flow.

Because when you have this pushing and controlling energy, you’re telling yourself and the Universe that you don’t trust the process. You don’t trust that you will get where you were always meant to go.

You don’t let things flow. And that’s making things harder on you.

What we need to realize is there is no such thing as missing your opportunity. There are no truly “wrong” turns in life. There is only a re-direction. 

You can’t mess up something that is meant for you.

Sure, you can miss an opportunity. But you can’t miss “your” opportunity. There’s a difference.

So if you didn’t get the job you thought you would, that means there is a better one on the horizon. If you didn’t get the car you wanted, or your relationship ended.

That means something better is out there for you. And sometimes at the moment, we don’t realize that.

We don’t have to worry about controlling everything because things will work out as they are supposed to.

I noticed this in my business because it’s something I’ve been working on a lot.

I was doing so much pushing in my business. Trying, and failing, to make everything work.

I was so focused on what was going wrong, that I couldn’t see what was going right. I wasn’t seeing all the opportunities I could have because I was tunnel-visioned on the negative.

I was talking a lot about a topic I didn’t enjoy, I was offering services I didn’t enjoy, working a side hustle for Doordash that I didn’t enjoy. And I wasn’t making much money.

I felt that I needed to be working every moment of the day. From the moment I woke up, til I went to bed I was working.

Because that’s what I thought I had to do. It’s what all the business dudebros out there say to do.

So I did it.

But instead, it led me to burnout and frustration.

I hit so many walls that I couldn’t get past and I was in just one word… stuck.

It wasn’t very long ago that I almost gave up on the business. Just a few months ago I was worried I’d have to quit this business and go get a job somewhere.

I picked up my first job application and started searching for jobs for the first time in years.

And I cried for days over the thought of giving up my dream, tucking my tail, and getting back to a depressing-ass 9-5 job.

But in reality, that was never something I needed to do. I was doing fine.

But because I was so focused on the negative aspects of things- it was all I could even see.

So I knew I had to make a change. Something had to change if I was going to keep doing this.

So over the next few months, I found the joy in my business again, hired the most amazing mindset coach, started reading personal development books and really working on my mental health.

And now? So much has changed.

I’ve launched new blog coaching services, and I’m happy with the direction my business is going in.

I launched a podcast on my YouTube channel, which is something I’ve always wanted to do, adopted a new cat, and bought my very first house- a MASSIVE goal of mine I never thought I would hit just a few short months ago.

I’ve changed. My mindset has changed, my attitude has changed. My confidence has grown. And because of that? I’ve made the most sales in April- just 16 days in- than I’ve made in a long time.

Things have changed for me, and are about to change even more drastically, all because I let things flow.

When I was focused on the outcome of getting a house, of making a certain amount of money, I was accidentally blocking the very things I wanted.

So, I let go of the outcome.

I decided that yes I was going to get a house this year but it was going to happen in its own time. And yes, my income was going to raise, but it was okay if it took longer.

And now? Things are starting to happen.

When we let life be easy, things will start to be easy.

Now is this me saying that there are no hard times in life? No.

I’ve had hard times. And I know you have to. This isn’t me saying all the hard times you’ve ever had are invalid.

But I am saying that the hard times don’t last forever. And that life wasn’t supposed to be hard all the time. It’s supposed to be easy, and it can be when you let it.

So, where do you start? How do you allow things to be easy?

Begin to build trust in everything

The first step is to build trust. In yourself, in your situation. Trust in the fact that things are going to work out in their own sweet time. 

Trust that you have potential and you will one day reach that full potential. There is a plan for you.

Trust that you were meant to be here for a reason and that you were meant to fulfill a purpose.

Some people will look at this religiously and say God has a plan for them. I think religion is a bit of a loaded term, so I just look at it as “the Universe” has a plan for me.

You can take this however you want, in whatever form is most comfortable or makes the most sense fro you. But no matter what you call it, the answer remains the same.

There is some sort of higher power here at work and it, whatever “it” is for you, has a plan for your life that will play out as planned if you let go and let it flow.

Look for the positives in life

The next thing to do is look for the positives in life. Changing your mindset and perspective is so freaking important when it comes to changing your current life.

And this may not be easy for everyone.

One of, if not the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is let go of the negative mindset I was running my life with.

It’s how I was raised. I grew up around people who were miserable. Pick a topic, any topic, and they’ll find something to complain about. Big or small- they’ll find something.

So when you grow up around people with that mindset, it’s not easy to get out of. Being negative feels comfortable. It feels safe.

And happiness, even though it’s something we think we always want to be, it’s still unknown, because we’re not used to it. So, it’s uncomfortable to feel.

When I first started on this journey to being a happier person, a minor inconvenience would happen, and I’d get into my state of being angry.

It was hard to get out of. It felt weird to switch my mood back to “happy” or just “okay”– even though I knew what I was upset about was stupid.

Because I was comfortable.

And sometimes I’d just sit around being happy or content for no reason and it was the strangest feeling in the world. Why was I happy? There “wasn’t anything going on”.

I’d just be sitting in the living room with my husband, content.

It wasn’t something my brain was used to because happy was never my default setting. So it took some getting used to. This might be the case for you.

But now I realize, nothing needs to be “happening” for you to be happy. You don’t have to be doing something you love as the only justification for being happy.

You can just be happy. With yourself. Because that is where true happiness comes from.

Thankfully, it gets easier as you almost “practice” being happy.

Once you get to this stage, you can start to look for the positives in life.

What is going good? What can you be happy about?

You may want to try journaling. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I love journaling or thinking about things that I’m grateful for.

It’s truly a game-changer.

Another thing that really helped me is visualization meditation. Thinking about things in my future that I was happy to have, or excited to get.

Just planning out my future, in general, was amazing. Meditation has been such a helpful tool in connecting with my inner child and allowing a lot of trauma to come to the surface so I can work through it.

Understand the journey won’t be easy

Other ways you can start to let things be easy is by healing trauma and setting boundaries. The funny thing about this journey to “letting things be easy” is…. It won’t be easy

This process is going to be hard before it gets easy and I think that’s why a lot of people never get to this stage- because it’s hard!

When I started doing this myself, I would wake up with panic attacks.

And they weren’t your typical “heart beating really fast, can’t breathe panic attacks” that you would expect either.

I’d wake up every single night with the weirdest feeling in my chest. It felt like my heart wasn’t beating at all.

And I would just lay there, unable to go back to sleep because this really freaked me out. I thought for a long time something might be wrong with me or my heart.

After a while, I started to recognize it as a pain attack. Even so, it still took a while to go back to sleep.

And I don’t say this to scare you into not going through this yourself, because your journey is not mine. You may have an easier time than me! This may not happen to you.

Everyone experiences trauma and stress differently. And mine got to a bit of an extreme case at one point.

Stress for me would get so bad at some point, it would make my head foggy, my face and hand go numb and we really thought something we seriously wrong with me.

I sent through a month of doctors and ER testing over what I found out later was just anxiety.

But, this was the wake-up call I needed in order to change, and to look for better solutions and healing. Coming out the other side of it I have felt so much better. It was worth it all truly.

With all of that out of the way and behind me, things in my life are finally flowing, they are finally starting to be easy and it’s just simply worth it.

Embrace your feminine energy

One of the things I have been working on this month is embracing more of my feminine energy and leaning away from the masculine energy that I’ve been allowing to run the show for a while now.

And if you’ve never heard this concept before, essentially everyone has both masculine and feminine energy.

And this has nothing to do with gender or anything like that, it’s just energy.

When you’re starting a business, you tend to be more in your masculine energy. You have to be. Because that is the energy that is pushing, controlling.

The go-get-it, hustle-all-night attitude that you typically need in order to get a business off the ground.

But when that is all you are doing, that’s when it gets exhausting and burnout happens.

Once your business is up and running, maybe making a little bit of money, then you can start weaving in some of your feminine energy.

And this is what most women don’t do, I.E me. When you don’t trust your business to grow or run on its own to get the passive income you’ve always wanted.

When you don’t weave in that feminine energy, not only are you going to burn out but you’re doing things the hard way.

You’re not letting things flow, you’re not letting it be easy.

You’re stuck in this pushing, controlling masculine energy and telling the Universe that you don’t got this and your business isn’t going to work.

If you feel like you need to work all of the time and never give your business a chance to do its thing, to thrive on its own and bring in the passive income you want, you’re making things harder than they need to be.

So, it’s time to bring in some much-needed feminine energy. And this is the flowy, manifestation energy. You’re in tune with your body, your mind, your spirit.

You’re in touch with nature and your surroundings, you’re happy and you’re trusting. And you let things come to you.

You are okay with sitting back and letting your manifestation come to you.

You’re content with where you are right now, and you’re clear about where you want to go. It’s such a great place to be. You know what you want and you know you’re going to get it.

Make sure to check out the podcast version of this episode right here!