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How do you build your self-esteem as a woman? Self-esteem and self-confidence are something we’re all born with. I know, it may not seem like it when we get older, but think about it.
As a kid, you’re not worried about anyone’s opinion of anything you do. You run around, shirtless in nothing but a diaper and a sticky chocolate face because you’re on a sugar rush from eating ice cream.
And the drawing of scribbles you drew that your mom proudly stuck on the fridge. You confidently tell her you drew a dragon, meanwhile, she’s hoping she doesn’t stick the meaningless scribbles upside down.
As we get older, we’re more aware of societal pressures and compare ourselves to those that are “better” than us.
But what happens when we stop caring about that? What happens when we realize others’ opinions of us are only a reflection of them and not a reflection of us?
That’s when you can build your self-esteem as a woman back up!
But… How do we do this?
-WHY DO WE LOSE OUR SELF-ESTEEM?
I think it’s first important to understand why we’ve lost our self-esteem in the first place.
Getting to the root of the issue will make it easier to correct and fix.
Maybe we were bullied as a kid and that ruined how we view ourselves. Or social pressures made us tone down our personality in order to “fit in” to whatever box we think we should be assigned to.
Men and women both have different “roles” that society expects us to play by. And if we don’t fit into those, we can lose our self-esteem.
WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK
We may be extremely worried about how others would view us. For me personally, I had this issue a lot in high school.
I had, and still do to an extent, this picture of myself of what I imagined everyone saw me as. And I tried my hardest to fit into the box I assumed I was assigned.
The problem is, I’m sure most people didn’t see me in that box, and if I moved out of the box, they wouldn’t have noticed or cared.
For me, one thing I was afraid to express myself in was fashion. I wasn’t a fashionable person, and I’m still really not today either. But I liked wearing dresses back in the day. I would never wear them to school though, for fear of what people would think, or say.
And I had a friend who would wear dresses on the regular, skirts and other clothes I wish I could wear. But, the way most people saw me was in graphic tees and jeans. So I thought I wasn’t “allowed” to wear those other clothes.
But… why not? Why aren’t we allowing ourselves to step outside of our comfort zones and express ourselves?
Now, years later, I wear dresses every chance I get in the summer. Because I love them! And I wish I would have given myself the freedom and was able to build my self-esteem as a woman back then, in order to wear them sooner!!
Once we figure out why we’ve lost our self-esteem, it’s time to figure out how to gain it back! Here are 3 easy tips to build your self-esteem as a woman back!
1. REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
You accomplish something every single day, even when you don’t think you do. That day you stayed in bed and just watched reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S?
That was a self-care day. Every single one of us needs those.
Maybe you finished your entire to-do list, cleaned your house, or even just folded the laundry that was sitting there for a week.
Remind yourself of past accomplishments as well. Getting a job you really loved, earning your license, buying your first car.
Whatever achievements you may have, it’s good to remind ourselves of things that we’ve done in the past to build our self-esteem back!
If you want, keep an “Accomplishment log”. I’ve done this in the past, and it is a really helpful reminder of what you’ve accomplished! You can keep a daily one, one for bigger accomplishments that you’ll look for days to come or both! Whatever you think that you need. Try keeping track in one of these cute bullet journals like me!
2. STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
Seriously. Stop. I know it’s easier said than done but think about all of the random people you have passed in your life.
In the grocery store, or at the park. How big of an impact have these random people made on your life?
Changes are, a good majority of them were just background noise. You couldn’t even pull up their face in your mind if you tried.
But do you know how many of them were probably worried about what you thought of them? If you’re worried about what the random strangers might think, there’s a good chance some of them thought the same thing walking out of their house that day.
And yet, you couldn’t even pick one of them out in a crowd.
We place so much of our value as human beings based on what other people think about us. When in reality, none of them are even paying close enough attention to notice us! Just like you never noticed them.
I wish I could shake younger me and tell her to just wear the damn dress to school! Those people will not care about it. They’re so focused on them, they don’t have time to worry about you!!
-BUT WHAT IS IT’S A CLOSE FAMILY MEMEBER LOWERING YOUR SELF ESTEEM?
This is where it gets tough, what If it’s a family member or trusted loved one that is putting you down and lowering your self-esteem?
Sadly, just because they are a loved ones doesn’t mean they won’t hurt our feelings.
If someone close to you is saying things that bother you, if you’re in a position to do so, it’s time to have a talk with them.
It’s going to be a hard conversation, but try to explain to them that what they say hurts your feelings and you’d like them to stop.
Try not to make it about them, and putting the blame on them too much. Because while, yes, it is their fault, most people don’t like fingers pointing at them.
Try to keep the focus on you and how you feel in order to diffuse the situation and keep it calm if needed. This person may not even realize how their words are hurting you.
And if that isn’t possible or doesn’t work, it may be best to distance yourself as much as you can from this person. Even if it’s someone you love. You won’t be able to build your self-esteem as a woman back up if you have negative thoughts and energies tearing you down all the time!
3. SAY SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATIONS EVERY DAY TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Say self-love affirmations to yourself all the time. In the mirror, on the way to work, before bed at night. Whenever you have a chance to say them, it will help reprogram your brain and build your self-esteem back up!
I personally love these 25-daily positive affirmations to boost your confidence!
Chances are you have some really negative self-talk going on a lot in your mind. We need to replace the “ugh I’m so ugly” with “I am beautiful the way I am”.
This doesn’t mean you’ll stop having negative self-talk, you still might, but we need to follow each negative thought with “no. This is wrong.” And counter with the opposite.
“No. I am NOT stupid. I am very smart. I was able to get good grades in school, and I graduated. I am smart.”
“No. I am NOT ugly. I am beautiful just the way I am”
Whatever negative thought you are having, tell yourself no and follow it up with at least one positive affirmation!
And, if you’d like some affirmations to start out with, check out Affirmations to Remind Yourself of this Fall or these 25 Positive Morning Affirmations for Women!